I Should Not Be Here

I'm Not Supposed To Be Here

Angela Rouse
May 2010

Christine is a sixteen year old rape victim. She is barely showing a small baby bump. The girl is very similar to most girls of her age.  The scene takes place in an abortion clinic. At rise she is alone in the room center stage on a single chair. Lighting is up to the director, however for the most dramatic effect have lights come up dim or with a single spot light. How she is portrayed is up to the actress.

Christine: What am I doing here? I'm sixteen years old. I'm sixteen years old! I shouldn't be in this situation! I shouldn't be pregnant. I don't want this, any of this, the nightmares and the morning sickness and the pain. I don't want an abortion…Don't judge me. He did things to me no girl should ever go through. He touched me. His eyes were dark; like a demon from the lowest level of putrid hell. I see them in every poster, in every film, in every man and woman and child. His skin was hot. I can still feel it burning me. It's scathing, and now it's not just on me but its part of me. It's in my dreams. It's in my body. This is no child I am nurturing. It's a parasite sucking at my innocence. And I am no longer a child! How can someone be a child when they've been forced to create a monster? In six months I will wake up and see this bundle of darkness which has done nothing but be. And what hurts the most is that I'll hate it. I won't be able to look at it and not see Him. I won't…. And even if by some force of a truly vile God I don't abhor this anti-Christ I carry as my burden I cannot take care of it. I can't support a living thing. I can't protect it. I can't protect myself! If I could then this curse wouldn't be feeding off of me like a scavenger and I the carcass! I…I shouldn't be here. I didn't do anything! What can I do? Keep it and hate it until one day out of desperation I kill myself because of Him! Go through with this and kill a child before it's born! It's not fair! Why God? Why does He get away and I must live with this vile punishment for something I cannot control! It's His fault! It's His fault! I'm only a child! I can't keep it! Are you testing me? Are you waiting for me to slip up so you can banish me to hell! Well I'm already there! I can feel the fire and brimstone in my stomach and it's burning away my life and sanity! So tell me! Should I keep it and live in hell for life and death? Should I murder it and live with one million regrets? It's not fair! I cannot win and I've done nothing to you! I'm sixteen! I'm not supposed to be here! I…